Sometimes I worry about:
- Mistakes I’ve made
- Things I can’t control
- Possible negative outcomes to current problems
- My inability to make a decision
I recently had a terrible bout with all 4 at once. As I sank my head in my pillow that night, I heard my heartbeat in my brain, as it worked its way through my entire body. I had tried to drown it with scotch, but no luck. I’d never felt like this before.
The source was simple
I hired the wrong vendor for a very important job and I felt trapped. I overpaid and he was under delivering by a wide margin and I wanted a divorce. I was worried sick about the inevitable breakup and the possible shit storm that “might” occur. I had been through this scenario before and I was imagining the worst and making myself sick in the process.
Without going into details, there were corners cut, too many excuses made and many lies in between. I’m not used to trade partners lying to my face and now my feelings were deceiving me. Every time we spoke, I felt as though I was under some Jedi mind curse that I wouldn’t snap out of until 30 min later and say ”what the hell just happened?”
Just like Billy Bixbee’s dragon, in Jack Kent’s famous children’s story, I too finally admitted that the dragon was real and told him we were done. We argued for a while, he threatened, I threatened and we both walked away. Immediately, the anxiety that was wreaking havoc on my heart, head and liver for the past 2 weeks was gone.
I simply reached a point where I could accept the consequences of whatever “might” occur.
I think my body was telling me something was out of alignment and nothing was going to make it go away. There are times when we lay down with the wrong person and no amount of money, makeup or bullshit is going to turn that someone, into the right one.
As business owners, homeowners, parents or simply consumers in the marketplace, we are going to make bad decisions. The challenge is to grow your pair a little bit bigger and face the dragon head on.
Comments invited please.